When Spring comes around, and I start to think about Lawn Cutting, I get into an Existential-Angst Dark-Night-of-the-Soul Depression. I think:
Is there a more quintessential sign of a wasted life than cutting your lawn? You do it every week for half the year, and then every year for half your life, and what do you have? Exactly what you started with; and
If I lived in the Suburbs (or city) and had a driveway, sidewalk, and good fence to keep out the neighbors, then I’d at least know where my lawn was; but living on 10 acres in the middle of the forest where even my gravel driveway needs to be cut, I have no idea even where my lawn even is!
I thought about seeking counseling, but then thought that might end up costing me more than hiring someone to cut my lawn, even if I knew where my lawn was. And I’ve been making some progress on my own even without counseling. For one thing I require that the “lawn” should always be smaller in size than it was the year before; that’s at least progress in the right direction. And this year, I’ve added something new, a scientific research experiment to determine just how many times the lawn needs to be cut. My definition for needs-to-be-cut is pretty simple: can the lawn mower still get through it if I let it go for a while longer? If so, it obviously doesn’t need to be cut.
Very early this spring, using a 10 HP bush mower (a gift from my elder brother KevE when he moved out west), I cut everything (my lawn, my prairie, and even some ways into the forest). That gave me a bit of breathing space to contemplate where my lawn will be. It is now the first day of August, the time when the grass pretty much stops growing, and I really like the results of my experiment so far. Some portions of my lawn have been cut a total of 3 times (my “manicured” lawn), and others parts, only 2 times (including the first bush-mowing). You might think that my lawn must be REALLY high, but that is not the case — you just cut your “lawn” (I use the term “lawn” rather than “grass”, because for all I know, I don’t even have any grass) a few times, and the things that need to be tall, just give up and die, and things that don’t grow tall and can survive a couple of cuts, remain. Below I show some pictures to prove this.
Pictures of 3 vs 1 Cuttages
Path to Clothes Line: “Manicured” Path - 3-cuttages; either side of path is 1 cuttage.
“Manicured Front Yard”; Foreground (Manicured Yard) 3-Cuttages; Background (Prairie) 1 Cuttage.
Examples of 2-Cuttages vs. 1 Cuttage
Orchard Path 1: Pathage: 2 Bush Mower Cuttages; Sides: 1 Bush Mower Cuttage (Pear trees on the left).
Orchard Path 2: Path: 2 Bush Mower Cuttages (last Cuttage over a month ago); sides of Path: 1 Cuttage. (Young apple trees on right and left).
Pretty good, Huh?! And, here’s the best part: it’s been over 5 weeks since the last Cuttage and we’ve had lots of rain and sunshine!
AND
For this experiment I also have a some Controls. I have a Civilized friend, living in town, who has a driveway and sidewalk and knows where her lawn is; furthermore, she is “royalty” [rich enough to pay someone to cut their lawn]. She thinks so far it’s been 8 cuttages. Now, I also have a friend that lives in a Condo Community. She says, “Once a week, on Thursdays for me, but sometimes not if it’s raining”. So, that would be about 16 cuttages. And I’m sitting on the porch today, writing this Posting, and calling people asking them about their lawn-cuttage and sex habits, and very successfully, so far, procrastinating in starting my 4th cuttage!
Conclusion:
Most people, even though they hardly, if ever, think about it, are clearly much more OCD about lawn cuttage than I am! Perhaps I should offer counseling! They have a problem they don’t even know about.
P.S.
In the comment section let me know how many times YOU’VE cut your lawn. If I get enough data I’ll do a cool Histogram — I LOVE DATA.
P.P.S.
And you know what’s REALLY cool? Even God is helping me with my procrastination. I went out and did a mere couple of swipes, and it started to rain! (No rain in the forecast, but you can’t trust those guys anymore than you can trust Fauci, a politician, or a reporter saying “The Science says …”).