Help, my bike has fallen and it can't get up!
Yeah, little me buying a 700 pound 1100cc bike was kind of silly ...
Why did I fall for that bike that is WAY too big for me to lift up (a 700 pound 2007 1100cc Honda Shadow). I used to have an ‘83 Honda Shadow 500cc — and I could take it on the logging trails, muscle it over logs, and lift it up when it fell. But this 700 pound beasty, if it were to fall over, I could never lift it up. I think it was the windshield and fake-leather saddle bags that seduced me. Too bad there wasn’t a 500cc or 750cc Shadow with a windshield and saddle bags on Craigslist within 150 miles.
So, I’ve dropped it twice now. And of course I couldn’t lift it back up.
First Time
That morning I was talking to another camper down a ways from me in the Indiana Lincoln State Park1 and he had a REALLY big Harley. And I told him of my fear that if I ever dropped this Beasty, I’d never be able to pick it up. And he took one look at me (5’ 7”, 155 pounds) and said,
“Yeah, no way you could pick it up”.
“But there are always people to help you”.
So, later that day, driving north from Owensboro KT back into Indiana I was looking for the first right I could take so I could follow the Ohio River east. And I drove at least 10 miles, and took the first dirt road to the right. This was all flood plain, and planted in corn. And then I took the next first right heading south down another dirt road through the corn fields towards the river and went about 5 miles. The first mud patch I skirted, but dropped my bike in the next huge one that I couldn’t skirt.
I tried lifting it up, putting my back to the bike and lifting and pushing with my legs, but it hardly budged. So, I’m thinking, I’m totally fucked. I’m like 5 miles down a dirt road off of a dirt road in the middle of nothing but corn fields. But then, towards the north, I saw a dust plume — someone driving a vehicle E-to-W on one of the dirt roads I had traversed. So I started walking up that way. I stood at the intersection and after awhile a pickup came along going W-to-E. So, I told that fellow about how stupid I am and how my bike had fallen and couldn’t get up. He drove me down there, and together, we lifted it right up, no problem. I tried to pay him some money, but he wouldn’t take it. So, I later gave that 20 to a homeless person I met (along with a venison burger and brownie I had in my saddle bags).
Second Time
So, after driving on at least 100 miles of dirt and gravel roads during my trip, and after going up and down my gravel driveway all sorts of times, coming home from my trip I dropped that bike again on my steep gravel driveway. The wife of my neighbor (with my and her husband’s help) lifted it up no problem.
Here’s some tips Kids:
Now you know why Harley guys always travel in gangs or packs, or Big Guys also have a Big Woman on the back — someone to help lift it up if it were to fall.
AND — the most important thing, that I finally learned that I’m sure most experienced Big Bike guys know: NEVER when going slowly, on gravel or in mud especially, use your front brake (the cause of both my drops).
And, as that fellow in the State Park told me: Don’t worry, there will always be people to help you.
The End.
P.S.
Scientists say that Global Warming will lead to more rain in some parts of the world, and less rain in other parts, possibly resulting in more and extreme mud patches in the flood planes along the Ohio River. Yes, that’s why I fell: Global Warming! You can literally blame ANYTHING on Global Warming.
So, a good friend told me: visitors to this country always say two things:
How every state in has some sort of claim to Lincoln; and
Why the fall colors aren’t as beautiful as they should be this year.
So, I was talking to my 92 year old Artist Aunt on the phone today, whom I will see next month, and we'll have lots of fun, and she told me how she fell out of bed and couldn't get up. It was a pretty good fun story. But of course, I had to tell her, I have a better story!
And, so, when this silly Lock-Down thing start I stopped cutting my hair and trimming my beard. But, when I rode this Beasty, even with the windshield, the wind blew my beard up into my eyes. So, I was forced to start trimming my beard.